FOR THOSE WHO TAKE LIFE TOO SERIOUSLY

1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

2. A day without sunshine is like, night.

3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

4. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

5. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

6. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

7. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

8. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be
misquoted, then used against you.

9. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

10. Honk if you love peace and quiet.

11. Remember half the people you know are below average.

12. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?

13. Nothing is fool-proof to a talented fool.
 
14. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

15. He who laughs last thinks slowest.

16. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

17. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

18. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
 
19. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
 
20. I intend to live forever - so far so good.
 
21. Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.
 
22. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

23. Mind like a steel trap - rusty and illegal in 37 states.

24. Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.

25. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

26. Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

27. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and
going the wrong way.

28. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

29. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
 
30. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

31. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

32. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks
 
33. Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

34. No one is listening until you make a mistake.

35. Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.

36. The colder the x-ray table the more of your body is required on it.

37. The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of
the bread.

38. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability
to reach it.

39. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many
is research

40. To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your
principles